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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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San Antonio was voted the most romantic city in the US by Amazon, so there’s a lot of romantic options for meeting people, going on a date, and falling in love with someone in the second .

But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughin’ and cryin’ at the same time. “This is my life,” I think. We run for cover under a bus stop on Calle de la Libertad. We’re huddled together, laughin’ like idiots.

Animal Care Services and Library celebrate National Pet Week